Okay, so I have been bloggin a lot lately about upcoming shows and saving theatres ect.
I think it was time I brought up something that really has been weighing heavy on my mind for a long time.
Doctors, and more specifically, why are they so serious all the time?
Yes, I understand that they are dealing with human life and health and blah blah blah. But c'mon, lighten up. When you are so concerned about my health, it freaks me out. When you take off your glasses for effect, it is stressful. And personally, i think you are causing more harm then good when you put the fear of death into someone.
Let's all fuck with Doctor's heads. Let's keep them on their toes. Let's make light where they try and make heavy.
1- When giving a urine sample, make sure you ad a little drop of blood before you hand it in. This will end up looking like something "serious" when it comes back from the lab. Infect any sample of any bodily fluid you hand in (this is hilarious).
2- Complain of severe chest pains and abdominal pains and then tell the doctor you have not had a bowel movement in weeks (make sure you look at his reaction when you tell him this, it is priceless). The hardest part is not lauging.
3- If you are lucky enough to have some surgery, then the fun can truly begin.
First of all, when the anesthetic person (they have a name, but i am too lazy to look up the spelling, let alone pronouncing it) isn't looking, simply take out the line that gives you the knock out drugs. Pretend to to be knocked out.
Secound, when doctors and nurses aren't looking you should try and steal a scalpel or some other instrument (remember that you are fully conscious and when they do in fact "dig in" it will hurt a wee bit). Stealing an instrument will instill panic in the surgeon, he or she will no doubt think that they have left something inside you (funny). In actuality, you will have the instrument inside you, really there aren't that many hiding places on a surgeon's table (funny).
Thirdly, and most importantly, let them off the hook. Wait for the most opportune moment and then grab a nurse or the doctor's hand when they are at the peak of their panic (this will drive everyone nuts).
This is a service that is great demand, doctors are overworked and overstressed. It is important for us to ease this stress by making fun and adding some levity to thier otherwise heavy and sobre existance.