CRUMBS in the Hammer!

Hamburg, the Hammer! And no I don't mean Hamilton, Ontario...

The first thing I should say about Hamburg is that we did some great workshops with Die Spieler (which translates directly into “The Players”). Super fun and generous group of people.

The second thing I should say about Hamburg is that we saw Gogol Bordello play a show, tear the stage down and set it on fire with their Gypsy Punk energy. Let me just say this, on their second encore they walked out on stage with a Mariachi Band!

The third thing I should say is we visited the St. Pauli store. This is St. Pauli's 100 year anniversary and a celebration of their entrance into the Premiere's League.

The fourth thing we should mention is the show. The suggestions were “Space” and “Nurse”. Now we have done many shows in spaceships and we have done many shows about Nurses and Doctors, the trick is to keep it fresh every time you do it. The trick is to not fall into the trap of laziness and be tempted to repeat... because repeating loses the magic. We also don't want to simply redo ideas that have been done before by other people, other movies or other stories.

We started with a nurse (let's call her Ruth) who was incredibly good at her job. The doctor was incredibly bad at his job. The doctor kept asking Ruth why she had never become a doctor and was always just satisfied being “just a nurse”. This of course drove the nurses in the audience mad (there was at least one nursing student in the audience who may or may not have been one of the members of the host group). The doctor was working on an Olympic javelin thrower who was mysteriously sick. The doctor could not figure it out (even though he had taken x-rays?).

Space. Space is vast. Space. With matter and anti-matter. With stars and comets and planets and quasars and pulsars. Space. With extra terrestrial life? We zoom in on a space ship looking for alien life forms. The Captain is in a hurry and wants to fly the ship faster. The first mate is a loser and a wimp and is bullied by the Captain. On the ship we also have an engineer (which garnered at least one cheer from one person in the audience... I can only assume was an engineer) and a robot (again X-13).

Ruth (the “just a nurse”) begins to research on her own and figures out what is wrong with the Javelin thrower (we will call him Jimmy). Ruth gets books out of the library (known as a book place to some) and even does her own blood tests. Jimmy meanwhile is going through some rough girl troubles as his girl Jacklin has now hooked up with Mark (the new captain of the javelin throwing team going to the Olympics).

It turns out that the Captain of the ship is desperately looking for “Space Women” that he can sex up. This has clouded his judgment and the wimpy first mate tries to stand up to him. This all happens as an alien ship approaches... Of course, with Space Women that then board the ship demanding sex, but from the robot.

The doctor feels horribly guilty for not being able to do his job and learns the secret to it all lies in actually caring about the patients. The doctor and the nurse switch roles and forge each others diplomas and certificates. Meanwhile the doctor has become famous as the person who cured Jimmy the javelin thrower. Jimmy won the gold medal by throwing his javelin past everyone else's, past the previous world record and right into the heart of Jacklin, who was in the audience trying to win Jimmy back.

The sexy Space Women end up being impressed by the first mate standing up for himself and decide to take him back to their home planet for endless space sex. Leaving the Captain alone and confused. (he was obviously the alpha male, why didn't he get the space sex?).

The fifth thing we should mention is the Crazy Horst. This is a famous bar in St. Pauli that we visit every time we are in Hamburg. Horst (the owner of the bar) was a boxer, ran a Bordello and now runs this bar. He has famous people and tourists pay a visit to this little place (it can seat maybe 20 people comfortably). He has even kicked Brad Pitt out of his bar for being smelly (“I don't care who you are, you smell and this is a small place”)