Showing posts with label amsterdam. Show all posts
Showing posts with label amsterdam. Show all posts

CRUMBS in Amsterdam, Netherlands



Oh Amsterdam, for some people you are like a theme park of party that has gone on to long. When will it end Amsterdam? When will you again just be a city?

Oh yeah, we also did a show...

Part 1 the mixed show:

We played a free Harold mixed show. The theme was chair, you know, chairs, good for sitting on. We had scenes about a husband living in a bubble and the wife that wanted him dead. We had the story of the man who wished he lived in a bubble, because of his girlfriend always wanting to touch him and maybe even have the sex (he was desperately afraid of any human contact). We saw a failed and then successful chair maker whose chairs went from costing two thousand euros a piece (already expensive) to twenty thousand euros a piece (perhaps these were Booker chairs? * see post in Luzern). We also got a peak inside a lab that would do testing on humans that always seemed to end in tragedy (don't they always?). The human “guinea pigs” would eventually have to be disposed of by being incinerated. Eventually the husband escaped from the bubble and lived happily with his wife. The other guy took over the bubble, finally being inside a bubble made him feel safe enough to actually allow his girlfriend to touch him... she liked that. The end... of part 1.





Part 2 CRUMBS show:

A very nice CRUMBS show, perhaps the best we have done in Amsterdam. But who knows, we have done a show in Amsterdam that involved 52 Einsteins.
The show opened with a man sharing with the audience the huge risks he endured everyday as a professional in one of the most dangerous jobs in the world... the Dentist. We cut to inside the Dentist's office (dentist was one of the suggestions) and we saw the sexual tension between the Doctor and his assistant, but they needed to keep things professional. She brought in his first patient of the day, who hated going to the dentist and wanted all his teeth removed as to never have to return.




We also see two people walking up to a phone booth at the exact same time, a battle ensues over who should use it first. “Phone Booth” was the other suggestion. A phone booth really, what is that? Well back in the olden days, before everyone had phones in their pockets, we used to have little rooms on the street that had phones in them. The fight ends with one of them losing consciousness after getting hit on the head with the torn off phone receiver.


The Dental assistant quits her job so she can be with the dentist. The dentist removes the man's teeth and gums in one of the most dangerous procedures in the world of oral surgery.

The man dies of his head wound and the other man then goes through the guilt of actually being a murderer... mostly he gets in trouble from his wife. He eventually calls the police, but it turns out the coffee shop he left the body in has been murdering and disposing of bodies for years and the cops are willing to just look the other way in return for some good evidence to lock them up... happy ending are easy if you want them to be.

Also taught some workshops in Amsterdam, some DAM good ones, some AmsterDAM good ones.

Oh Amsterdam, with your bar that is on several bikes that “Stag Parties” can rent and bike around town while drinking beer. Oh Amsterdam, with your “Hen Parties” at every corner. Oh Amsterdam, with your 24 hour party mentality that really closes at around 11pm. Oh Amsterdam, with your confusing lay-out that means you are never really lost but you can never get to where you want to go. Oh Amsterdam, with your grumpy tram workers and your new chip card transit system. Oh Amsterdam, with your bikes and bike lanes and bike traffic signals and your bike bells and your bike locks and your bike bike bikes. Oh Amsterdam, with your canals, or is there just one big canal? Oh Amsterdam, with your umbrella market places. Oh Amsterdam, with your virus of tourists threatening to destroy what Amsterdam is and was in the first place.

Next Stop: Hamburg, potentially the Amsterdam of Deutschland.

Oh Amsterdam...



Amsterdam
A.Dam
Amsterdamage
The city stuck in teenage party land

God damn! Amsterdam is a hard town to figure out. Of course everyone internationally knows the city. It is quite famous for the windmills and cheese and bikes and Anne Frank and Van Gogh and for being a "party town". But underneath all of that, it is hard to really understand. I can understand why, with so many tourists invading the city every day, I would try and hide my "real" self as well. So the city ends up looking like a tourist trap with canals and bridges. The Red Light District is a shopping mall of skin and sex. The Coffee Shops are a shopping mall of drugs and the streets are littered with "British Bachelours" and, well, litter.

The "British Bachelours" are loud and obnoxious. Are they like this all the time? Are they like this back at home? What an annoying bunch of people... loud rude and acting like they rule the world (news flash, its been hundreds of years since you did). They cross over to Amsterdam, partake in the sex and drugs and then go to the hundreds of "British Pubs" that they have in Amsterdam... which leads me to ask; Why didn't you just stay at home if you are just going to do the same things here? I wish more of the cool brittish folk would travel and start fixing up this tarnished reputation.



Bikes... everyone in Amsterdam rides a bike. Bikes rule this town, and they ride like they know it. Cars are afraid of bikes, they stop and cower. Cars will always give the right of way to bikes (as they are outnumbered) and will feel the wrath of the scorned cyclist if they ever step out of line. When the war between cars and bikes begins, this will be the headquarters of the bikes.



If you ever need to go to the bathroom in Amsterdam (assuming that A) you are a man and B) you only need to urinate) then you are in luck. They have mastered and perfected what they call the "Pissoir". It is a urinal on the street that you simply enter and relieve yourself at, it takes but a few minute, they are everywhere and you can piss and watch people on the street at the same time. No doubt it was invented out of necessity after having to many drunk "British Bachelours" fall into the canal.

So we did some workshops and did a show in Amsterdam and everything was over in a flash, and it always is in Amsterdam. You leave wondering if it all really happened. And you leave wondering where the real Amsterdam is, and if next time you go you will get to see a glimpse of the shy Amsterdam that hides underneath and behind the out going tourist trap party animal.

Next time maybe...